My wish for my girls

I dream that my girls will one day find a great love.

I believe before they can truly experience this great love they must first be comfortable with who they are in Christ, alone.  They must know their value as his princess.  And they must know they have a purpose beyond some simple fairytale love story.  They need to be prepared to be loved.

When they are ready I wish them a love that is based on similar beliefs and feelings and a great deal of friendship, with a fantastic healthy dose of passion; not just passion for the physical but spiritual as well, a passion for life in general.

Here are the qualities I’d like for the love of their life to have.

1.        He must love God.  I want his love for God to supersede his love for my daughter.  I want him to love God and love others, making him a caring thoughtful person to all, not neglecting the need to be kind to his wife.  I want his heart to desire what God wants.

2.          He must love my daughter.  This is kind of a no brainer.  But I don’t want worship, idolize or adore.  I want LOVE.  The kind of love that respects her, cherishes her and considers her thoughts, feelings and intellect as important, that also challenges her to be the best she can be in all areas of her life.   Loves her as Christ loves the church and wants to walk beside her, not ahead or behind.

3.        He must be ready for an adventure.  I don’t want him to be a pasty face fearful person that is unwilling to take the risks that go along with following Christ.  As Steven Curtis Chapman says, “This is the Great Adventure.”  I want him to follow his heart for Christ and lead her into this life.

4.       He must talk to her, treat her with respect and admiration.  He doesn’t need to be so consumed in his life that he forgets a woman’s heart is won with words.  A woman wants a certain amount of wooing.  On the flip side of this, I want her to remember that he needs wooing of his own sort.

5.       He must be willing to work.  Work hard to provide for his family but also work hard in keeping their relationship healthy and showing their children honor respect and fantastic work ethics.

6.        He must be willing to laugh.  Willing to laugh at himself, willing to relax and have fun even doing silly things.  To just enjoy life.

7.        He must be content with life as it is.  Not to say that he shouldn’t have the drive to improve in all areas but know how to be content and happy where God has him at the time.

Most of the world wants success (monetary) and position and strive for recognition among their peers.  This is all fine, but is not a prerequisite to a happy marriage and healthy home.  These things can come with the above list of things are first met.  When the important things are in place, the motivation for success as the world sees it can come naturally.

Trip to Vegas

I have never agreed with the idea of pornography in all its forms but it was not until I’m trying to raise daughters to truly respect themselves that I began to truly LOATH it.  The very idea makes my blood boil and breaks my heart for the young women that are in this world.  Our recent trip to Las Vegas renewed the frustration in me with this business.

I know males who like to look at it and think it’s not so bad because they are getting off ‘safely’ with no female involved.  But if we truly look at it it is more distorted, or at least just as, as having sex with numerous girls.

First and foremost these pictures are girls.  Real girls.  Girls that deserve to be loved and respected.  Girls that should have someone stand up for them and say, “You need to respect yourself enough not to reveal yourself to all.”

I see girls who go into this life.  They are in desperate need of attention and approval.  They like the attention.  It makes them feel special, if only for a while, but not a deep and lasting feeling and KNOWING they are special.

I watched the face of the dancer at the comedy show in Vegas and my heart broke for her.  She wasn't proud of her job.  There was no one there to stand up for her and say, “Stop, you deserve more than to be ogled like an object.”  This momma wanted to go up on the stage and drag her off and convince her she is worth more than that.

This all seems harmless, it is only hurting the girls who chose this life; yet I don’t believe it is.  The boys and men that use this in their lives to get some sense of fulfillment are also being lied to; true fulfillment doesn’t come through this.  They then begin to see women as an object to use for pleasure and have a hard time respecting and treasuring a special girl.

Secondly, sex was designed to not be an end in and of itself.  It was designed to be a glorious, wonderful, enjoyable part of a relationship.  To be private, exotic, fun bonding between two people who have vowed to love each other endlessly.  The truest and most fulfilling version of sex is only in this place.

As with all wonderful things God has created, Satan distorts it.  He tells his half truths and the beautiful thing is not as beautiful as it once was.  It is fun but not the pleasure that it was meant to be.  From the beginning of time, as with Adam, Eve and the fruit, there has been a temptation to distort this beautiful thing God gave us.

The church tried to control the distortions but added their own distortions by doing so.  In order to try to keep people from being too free with sex they said it was dirty, unclean and only for pro-creation.  This too is a lie.  The strict rules by the church regarding God’s beautiful creation, I believe, added fuel to the lie that Satan had made about it.  Because any red blooded person could tell it was made for pleasure so surely the church must be wrong and these got worse.

Though true, a man getting off looking at pornography is not technically cheating on his girlfriend or wife and he is not going to contract an STD this way.  But it is my firm belief that it is wrong because it is not a part of God’s design, it is then an end in itself and not part of a relationship.  It is distorted and not respected, used and not cherished.  Besides the obvious fact that we are not to look on another with lust, Matthew 5:28.  And the most insulting to a woman, these girls in the pictures are slaves to an industry that views them as an object.  Also, if a man does this, does he then have the passion to pursue and woo his wife?  No, he meets his base needs and doesn't feel the urge to woo her as he should, as he may have at the beginning of their relationship, thus hindering their closeness.

Sadly, I don’t believe the industry will cease to exist.  Our world is too full of selfish, self satisfied and satisfying people who don’t want to admit to themselves the perversion of God’s creation.  However, it is my prayer that people begin to open their eyes to the lies.

An Italian cruise ship went down recently off the coast of Italy.  There was an article about the men on board pushing women and children out of the way to get on the life boats.  Chivalry is dead.  There were several comments under the story about why this may have happened.  One comment was that women have fought for equality, proving they can be tough and swim as well and fight as well etc so men do not view them as the weak, needy beings as they once were viewed.  This is an interesting thought.

I believe there are many reasons why chivalry is dead.   One is that people are just plain selfish.  Another is that women have tried so hard to fight for equality that they forgot to let themselves be treasured as different from men.  We are equal in importance, no doubt, but we are different.  Viva la difference!  Women are just as smart, in some ways smarter.  We are capable of many things, yet we were designed to be different, softer, with more feelings.  I believe this difference needs to be celebrated and treasured not demeaned.   I would put the intellect and ability of my girls against most any young man and be sure they would come out on top, but I want them to remember that being a woman is something special.

Another reason chivalry is dead is porn.  Women are seen as objects, animals to be used.  Women are not viewed as something special.

It was God’s design that a man and woman love each other, respect each other and respect their differences, treasuring each other in all of this.

Porn is just another picture of how our world has not respect for anything;  another lie and distortion of God’s perfect plan.