Recently I’ve been through things that opened my eyes to some truth. There are people who get lots of attention from the opposite sex, it just kinda comes without understanding why; an animal magnetism so to speak. In our society’s view this should be an asset. And though it makes for good stories it doesn’t lead to love.
I was raised, and also raised my girls, that a girl should not throw themselves at a guy. I believe too many girls do this, it is true. Yet, as I’ve raised two beautiful teenage daughters a new idea has come to me. My oldest took me so seriously that she had a hard time letting a guy know she would like attention from him. Of course a lot of this came from the fact that she was very, very shy. But I had to convince her that a guy must have SOMETHING to go on. Some glimmer of hope to give him courage to talk to her too. She can’t expect a guy to be willing to come to her when she gives him no clue whatsoever.
The second daughter is not so shy. She tends to be more of the kind of person that gets plenty of attention. But it is funny how my instructions of not chasing guys, has affected her. She is friendly and easy for guys to talk to, many guys like her. Of course the fact that she has had guys’ attention since she was in third grade has given her a different view point than the older shy daughter. But she too tends to think that a guy needs to be a little more bold to keep her. Why wouldn’t she? She has had LOTS of attention, but most of it was not good attention or wanted or healthy.
I’ve noticed that most of the good boys from good homes are not as ‘forward’ with their attention. They tend to NOT give the kind of bold attention my girls craved after fairytale stories. I’ve had many speculations as to why this is. One thought was that these boys are more goal oriented, which is great, so aren’t as into the relationship scene as boys from homes that may be less stable. A theory. Another thought is that they too, are shy and see a fairy tale world where they are afraid they aren’t enough. They are sweet and shy and don’t know how to put their hearts out on the line for a relationship. A theory. Another thought is that they are gentlemen, they are not as pushy and ‘in your face’ as their bold counter parts who are so free with their attention. Most likely this is due to the fact that they were taught to respect girls and wait to pursue.
So here are my sweet good girls, waiting for a guy to ‘save’ them with his attention. But what they get is attention from those they are less than gentleman. This affects the oldest by just making her just shut down. She can be cold and aloof when she is uncomfortable. This makes it even more difficult when the good one comes along and wants to talk with her.
For the younger daughter this attention has made her expect to have attention. So when the gentlemen guys try to talk, this makes things a little more difficult for her to hear the quiet, gentle voice. She has become accustomed to a more brash and cocky way to approach her. This too makes it even more difficult when a good one comes along and wants to talk to her. She does long for a gentleman to approach with truth and kindness.
So my new conclusion is this…The true ‘sweetheart’ though different for all of us, is probably more like God woos us. Quiet, gentle, confident and patient, He doesn’t push us. He gave us free will. He doesn’t whine and cry when he doesn’t get his way or throw a fit. He doesn’t affect free will.
As a matter of fact, love should be a choice on both sides. Free will, no one should be coerced or begged and emotionally held hostage. A choice of free will will leave both people feeling free. They will not feel a weight of cloud or doubt in any way. They can then celebrate their love as in Song of Songs, a beautiful story of the freedom of love.
Through the last 23 years as my wonderful husband and I have learned to communicate with each other we have both hurt each other by our shortcomings in the opposites love language. I expected a little more boldness of him, I expected a little more wooing and demonstration; but through many circumstances I have begun to realize my husband has loved me as God loves me. He has QUIETLY fought for me and stood by me.
Thank you God for my husband.
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